It’s that time of year again. As those scared of sunlight, untrusting of picnics and, well, Twilight fans look for refuge from the summer outdoors Hollywood offers a slew of big-budget, action-packed rehashes to crowd the dark, welcoming coldness of our cinemas. Here’s a run-down of the biggest of the big.
Sex and the City 2
ETA: 28th May
Parade out in Prada. Crack out the cosmos. Just when you thought they’d finally been put to bed the girls are back again in another feature-length outing. This time they’re on a faaaabulous trip to Morocco where Carrie runs into old flame Aidan. Will she be tempted from Big? Who cares? Millions of women across the world, who are most likely Googling swanky hotels in Northern Africa at this very moment, that’s who. Expect drama, romance and judging from the trailer… karaoke.
Twilight: Eclipse
ETA: 9th July
This third installment of the Twilight franchise might just be a step up from its predecessors. Not only is this book allegedly much darker than the first two but the presence of director David Slade also indicates that we might be in for a less saccharine affair. His previous film 30 Days of Night is arguably the slickest vampire flick of the past decade, maybe Slade can give us some of the sex and blood this franchise desperately needs. Expect sullen Cullens and shirtless werewolves.
Shrek Forever After
ETA: 9th July
They have assured us that this is the final outing for the franchise that has been dragging its heels since its first sequel. Financially this one will undoubtedly be a roaring success and fingers crossed this time out the film will do justice to its fantastic array of characters. Donkey, Shrek, Puss and Fiona really deserve a decent movie. This time Shrek makes a deal with Rumplestiltskin and the plot begins to resemble recent episodes of Lost. In a parallel universe, Shrek’s friends don’t know who he is, Puss is fat and Fiona is a resistance warrior who thinks Shrek is an idiot. Expect dancing animals, spirited tunes and pop culture references aplenty.
Knight and Day
ETA: 14th July
One of the few summer films not based on previously published material, Knight and Day follows Cameron Diaz as she is unwittingly embroiled in a deadly game of espionage because of a chance encounter with Tom Cruise. Neither character is called Knight or Day so you have to watch the movie to understand the moniker. Vanilla Sky this ain’t.
Inception
ETA: 16th July
Christopher Nolan goes back to his tangled roots as inducer of cinematic headaches. Judging from the trailer, Inception will see Leonardo DiCaprio challenge Nolan’s title. After Shutter Island, it seems Leo has a taste for messing with audiences’ brains and Inception’s futuristic mind-melt seems likely to satisfy his craving. The film is set in a future where technology can steal data from the human mind so when you have an idea that you need to keep strictly guarded, where can you turn? Intrigued? Me too.
Predators
ETA: 22nd July
A re-imagining of Arnie’s 80’s sci-fi actioner. What’s there to be excited about? Well, friends, the fact that Robert Rodriguez is producing it is reason enough for me to be at least a little bit worked up. Perhaps he can give it the injection of schlock that the original lacked. Starring Adrien Brody, Topher Grace and Danny Trejo, surely there’s a possibility it might improve on the original or at least stand as a fun horror movie on its own merit.
Toy Story 3
ETA: 23rd July
If Toy Story 2 was anything to go by, there’s much to be excited about in this upcoming third outing for Woody, Buzz and Co. This time Andy is off to college and the toys have been donated to a kindergarten. Judging from the trailer this could just be the best threequel of all time. And colour me excited about Michael Keaton’s role as a Ken doll.
The A-Team
ETA: 30th July
A team of upstarts go AWOL from the army and solvs crimes in a van. Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Sharlto Copley and some huuuge black guy recreate the show that encapsulated so many of the charms of 80’s television. The best we can hope for is that it keeps its sharp sense of humour. I guess from the director of Smokin’ Aces this one is bound to have its tongue firmly in its cheek.
Salt
ETA: 20th August
Originally a story about Edwin Salt starring Tom Cruise, the script was adjusted when Cruise dropped out and Angelina showed interest. Now a story about Evelyn Salt, a female secret agent on the run after being accused of being a Russian spy, this looks like this years’ Wanted or a less classy Bourne movie. This one is sure to get you to the end of your bucket of popcorn and Angelina sports all kinds of wigs and costumes which is always good for the boys.
Words: Charlene Lydon
