Director: Bryan Singer
Talent: Nicholas Hoult, Ewan McGregor, Stanley Tucci, Eleanor Tomlinson
Release Date: 22nd March 2013
Fairytales endure for several reasons—their vivid imagery, simple plots, the gullibility of small children. This 3D re-imagining of the old beanstalk chestnut relies on those same devices, though aimed instead at gullible adults. Of whom there are, of course, none. And yet, it all feels so enjoyable, with plenty of real-estate smashing and human squelching.
To save the Princess (Tomlinson), young Jack (Hoult) must climb himself a beanstalk, atop which There Be Giants. Though ably assisted by the rakish Elmont (McGregor looking like an armour-clad Eddie Izzard), things take a turn for the apocalyptic when the treacherous Lord Roderick (Tucci) plots an earthly invasion of the oafish ogres.
Unfortunately, in the real world, with its burgers of horse, septic arthritis, and that whole North-Korea “situation,” this pedestrian tale’s unlikely to keep grown-up audiences awake at night in the centuries ahead. Or tonight even. An ostentatious, but hollowly forgettable effort.
