Totally Dublin

“The video for Telephone is sexist!”, declare some cultural commentators who don’t realise how far women in the music industry have come.

Beyonce in a still from the Telephone promo clip.

It has the event feel of a late 80s Michael Jackson video. Beyonce hasn’t been in a pop video this good since oh over a year ago in Single Ladies, and it’s Lady Gaga’s best video since her last one. Not that this is a criticism. The impeccable standard of promo clip we’ve become used to from these unassailably great female pop stars is met once again, but the video for Telephone has prompted more than one critic to ask “Is it sexist?”

Is it bollocks.

It’s certainly not misogynistic. Sure, men come out of it looking like dickwads, but women do not suffer at the hands of men here. In fact at the outset of the video Gaga gets to address the unwarranted attention her nether-regions have garnered at the hands of people who are wont to wonder “ooh what’s that slight bulge between her legs – is she really a bloke pretending to be a woman for a lark?” Now that might well be sexist.

It’s difficult to think of two women in the music industry who are more in control of what they do. If sexual politics can be reduced to the individual in this way, then one must concede that Beyonce and Gaga are both doing very well thank you in an industry (i.e. rock n roll) which has been mired in sexism from day one. Things might be improving since the days when female pop singers like Alma Cogan and Helen Shapiro had to be thankful to be allowed on a stage in the first place – Lucy O’Brien’s never-surpassed book on women in rock pop and soul She Bop tells the story of the decades long battle women faced in just making music on their own terms. The superstar statuses of Beyonce and Gaga – both female artists who are completely in control of their careers – cannot be pooh-poohed away because there’s a bit of flesh being flashed in the Telephone clip.

If one baulks at the representations of women in the video it must be said that firstly, this isn’t the porn industry; the problem with that industry is its tendency to depict women ONLY as objects of male sexual desire (although there are more and more women making porn for women, but there’s not a lot of it about. I know because I’ve asked sex-shop owners about the subject in the interests of “research” BECAUSE THAT’S THE KIND OF GUY I AM). The world depicted in Telephone isn’t going to spill over into reality. There won’t be marauding pop divas rushing through the streets murdering men and snogging passing women as they embark upon the Highway to Hell as a result of this video receiving worldwide exposure. The other major problem with porn is how women from troubled backgrounds get sucked into it; women with drug addiction issues, women who have suffered physical or mental abuse, women who have suffered poverty. There is a danger of women getting lured into the sex industry when those sorts of conditions are in place, but Telephone is a pop video – hardly a cultural artifact of comparable social menace for a kick-off. The vid for Telephone is more akin to that of Madonna’s Justify My Love or even to Grand Theft Auto (often accused of sexism but, like the Telephone video, actually a rather witty, clever and misunderstood piece of work).

The 9 and a ½ minutes video for Telephone is notable for several things including: 1. the pair of sunglasses made out of lit cigarettes. I don’t even smoke and yet I want a pair. 2. Lesbianism – but not the kind alluded to frequently in Loaded magazine (which incidentally responded to Gaga’s rise to fame with a feature called “Lady Gaga: Minx or Moose?”). This isn’t teen wank material. 3. A bizarre TV-cookery section. 4. Lots of conspicuous product placement. Yeah, take THAT so-called “Bill” “Hicks”. 5. Lots and lots of vibrant colour – this adds to the cartoonish atmosphere to the video, and that feels like director Jonas Akerlund’s way of saying “IT’S JUST A POP VIDEO, IT’S NOT REALITY - OK?”. 6. A nod to Thelma and Louise – always a reference which gets pulled out of the hat when you want to ram home a message of women getting one over against men. It might be a bit hackneyed but that’s only because there are bugger-all examples of pop culture that are so bravely and openly pro-feminist. 7. Lots of ridiculous, and to be fair, fantastic costumes. So to recap; lesbianism, consumerism, cookery, female revenge fantasy movies, designer clothes – isn’t it abundantly clear that this video is, if anything, a witty snapshot of “post-feminism”; that ideological position which declares that the modern woman can fight for equal rights, equal pay and so on and still BUY SHOES. It’s depressing and bleak (was it for this that Emily Wilding Davison threw herself under the King’s horse at the Derby in 1913?), but it isn’t “sexist”.

Or maybe it’s just Gaga and Beyonce having a laugh. Yes, that’s the one.

Mama Cass - subject of a fascinating pop “fact”.

Several songs on the new Hot Chip album were written by chimpanzees! Newton Faulkner grows parsnips in his hair! George Michael has a special door in the roof of his mansion which he has to be lifted in and out of by crane! Yes readers, those were some appalling fibs. But from time to time the world of rock and pop throws up stories which are stranger than anything you could make up. For example the recent revelation that Dion Dublin has invented a new musical instrument. A percussion instrument in fact. Yes, that’s Dion Dublin the ex-England international footballer who played up front for Coventry City in the late 90s. The instrument is called the Dube and it has its own website and everything. “I literally went to Jewson and got some off-cuts of wood - I bought a hammer and some nails and I made a cube,” says Dublin, “I made it myself and got a few cuts trying to play it. It’s just sort of snowballed from there.” Well I never. Is there a long tradition of footballers inventing musical instruments? Did Frank Worthington invent the keytar? Were syndrums dreamed up by Trevor Francis? No, they didn’t which is why Dion Dublin following in the footsteps of Les Paul is rather odd.

I’m telling you this now because one day this will be the answer to a tricky pop pub quiz question. You have been primed. You need to bone up on your musical trivia if you’re ever to fare well at a pub quiz, but you don’t necessarily need to untangle the truths from the falsehoods because most fascinating pop facts turn out to be boringly false without ever being corrected. Mama Cass didn’t die by choking on a sandwich, despite a vicious rumour to the contrary, no doubt given currency by the fact that Mama Cass was indeed rather portly. David Bowie didn’t invent Connect 4. And it’s not true that Stevie Wonder lost his sense of smell in a car accident. Except it is. But he got it back again or something. Oh I don’t know, leave me alone alright? I’ve got a pop blog to write.

Which is why it’s helpful to keep coming back to Snopes.com, the website that takes urban myths and subjects them to a “rigorous critical analysis” (or something). It has lots of different subsections including a page about music. Lots of the spurious musical rumours (i.e. lies) seem to involve notions about female pop stars being blokes - see the entries on Ciara and Lady Gaga. It’s as if people think a woman couldn’t possibly really be responsible for making great music, so non-existent genitals must be conjured to explain away the amazing power of brillo female pop. Didn’t the Spice Girls kick those barriers down years ago? You know when they had all those number ones? Snopes can’t verify the point, but it can put paid to the old story that Keith Richards likes to have his blood replaced every so often (aw, that’s the sort of story you half hope is true), and it can confirm that Michael Jackson owned the rights to the Beatles back catalogue – indeed it goes into exhaustively lengthy detail concerning the small print of the deal. But truth is boring so let’s make up some more lies: Florence Welch is terrified of water! Julian Casablancas’ next album will feature backing vocals by tennis “ace” Andy Murray! Mollie from The Saturdays was once a member of Riot Grrl band Huggy Bear!

(The pop blog will return next week after its author has a nice long lie down… - Ed.)

1. Lady Gaga “The Fame Monster” (Interscope)

The Fame, which was released back in January, was a solid album in its own right; and in Just Dance, Poker Face and Paparazzi, it boasted some of the year’s most memorable singles. When a “deluxe” version of the album was announced one could have been forgiven for expecting the usual royalty-swelling rush-job but the effort and imagination that has gone into The Fame Monster is thrilling. Everything about The Fame Monster gives the impression that it was thoroughly deliberated over both as an artistic statement and as a product: the artwork is superb and any of the eight tracks on the bonus disc could be a chart smash. Bad Romance is so obviously brilliant it’s scarcely worth mentioning, Alejandro and Monster are laugh-out-loud funny (in a good way), Speechless and So Happy I Could Die are by turns sad and wistful. Beyonce - BEYONCE! - turns up to duet on Telephone. None of it is boring. All of it is addictive and surprising. If Lady Gaga maintains this sort of quality and artistic integrity she’ll rule over pop throughout the next decade and beyond.

Watch: Bad Romance

2. Pet Shop Boys “Yes” (Parlophone)

Over 25 years into their career Messrs Tennant and Lowe wrote a top ten hit for Girls Aloud, won a Brit for Outstanding Achievement and, with the help of Xenomania, concocted their best album in years. Their trademark plangent melodies and wry lyrics are here in abundance. Love etc,. takes the subject of vacuous celebrity culture and has something intelligent to say about it. All Over The World takes a snippet of Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker Suite and transforms it into a global-pop stomper. Pandemonium – which is ostensibly about Kate Moss and Pete Doherty – is typically witty, glamorous and brilliantly catchy. Legacy wraps a surreal lyric (“The Carphone Warehouse boy has been on the phone…”) around a sombre melody. The highlight is The Way It Used To Be – a dramatic pop belter to match anything in their back catalogue.

Watch: Did You See Me Coming?

3. Yeah Yeahs Yeahs “It’s Blitz!” (Interscope)

Having blazed a trail for punky guitar pop in the first half of the decade it was a pleasant surprise to hear Karen O and co. pick up synths and have the sort of FUN which must be rendered in block caps. Lead single Zero fizzed with energy and that verve was maintained over the course of It’s Blitz! Heads Will Roll and Hysteric are other highlights of an album which, like The Horrors’ Primary Colours, was a superb exercise in doing the unexpected and doing it brilliantly. Forget everything you know about Yeah Yeah Yeahs: It’s Blitz! is their year zero and as exciting as anything that pop in 2009 had to offer.

Watch: Zero

4. VV Brown “Travelling Like The Light” (Island)

One of the Sound of 2009 predictions (long list) who didn’t quite catch the public’s attention during 2009, but the blame surely shouldn’t lie at the feet of Travelling Like The Light. The joyous yelp which kicks off Quick Fix sets the tone for much what’s to come: 12 tracks of exuberant r’n’b influenced pop. When it does get a little moodier on tracks like Bottles, and I Love You, it is perfectly lovely - like drinking hot port on a winter’s night. But the pace never slows for long: Crying Blood and L.O.V.E. hurtle past at breakneck speed. Not enough people got around to hearing this wondrous album. The follow-up is due in the spring, hopefully it will be more of the same and find an appreciative audience.

Watch: Game Over

5. La Roux “La Roux” (Polydor)

Elly Jackson’s shrill voice is a sticking point for some people, but the quality of the songs on La Roux wins the day. The Skream remix of In For The Kill grabbed the attention but follow-up hit Bulletproof and the self-titled parent album held it. As If By Magic and Fascination are effortlessly catchy but Cover My Eyes, which features The London Gospel Choir, is as touching and weepy a song as I’ve heard all year: who says electropop has to be cold? Long after the current vogue for quirky girls with keyboards has subsided, La Roux will still sound great. Elly Jackson and Ben Langmaid have the songwriting mettle to stick around for years if they fancy it. Let’s hope they do.

Watch: Im Not Your Toy

6. Royksopp “Junior” (Wall Of Sound/Astralwerks)

Having established their pop pedigree with Annie’s 2005 single Heartbeat, Royksopp’s Torbjorn Brundtland and Svein Berge once again consulted their pop star address book, made some calls and produced an amazingly engaging record, albeit one which somehow failed to chime with the public in the way their soporific debut Melody AM did back in 2001. Karin Dreijer Andersson and Lykke Li contribute vocals but Anneli Drecker is the real star performer. On the trancey You Don’t Have A Clue – she drums up the sort of ambient pop loveliness that Kate Bush used to excel at. Alongside an incredible album from Fever Ray (a dark, spooky electronica masterpiece and perhaps the year’s greatest album, but not quite pop enough for this list) Junior ensured it was another great year for Nordic synthpop.

Watch: Happy Up Here

7. Amerie “In Love & War” (Def Jam)

Amerie is perhaps best known for her 2005 single 1 Thing, but while Beyonce, Rihanna and Ciara released excellent albums and enjoyed the attention that comes with it, Amerie’s In Love & War met with an oddly muted response. Don’t think for a moment that the indifference shown to this album is a reflection of its quality: no track here is ever less than thrilling. In a great year for urban pop (Ciara’s Fantasy Ride and Rihanna’s Rated R were both outstanding albums) In Love & War still stands out as an incredibly inventive dance pop record. Why R U was the infectious single, but listen out also for The Flowers - a clever and haunting slowie which is sure to send chills down your spine.

Watch: Why R U

8. Bat For Lashes “Two Suns” (Parlophone)

One of the more out-there pop albums of the year (you know you’re not listening to a Miley Cyrus album when a guesting Scott Walker turns up near the end), “Two Suns” takes time to get to know but when it clicks you’ll find yourself hooked. It’s a concept-album about a divided self, but lest anyone think Two Suns is a one-way ticket to Snoozeville, rest assured that there are tunes aplenty. Apart from the glorious single Daniel, which is the best thing Fleetwood Mac never recorded, Pearl’s Dream and Moon and Moon are surely amazing enough to dispel the reservations of even the most concept-album unfriendly pop fan.

Watch: Daniel

9. Dizzee Rascal “Tongue N’ Cheek” (XL)

If last year’s Dance Wiv Me seemed like a surprise step from Dylan Mills, a man who had previously mastered threatening (and often rather “difficult”) grime, Tongue N’ Cheek was the record where he became a proper dyed-in-the-wool pop star. He sings about greedy bankers one minute (Dirtee Cash), and his love of money the next (um, Money Money) but only a curmudgeon would be bothered by that. He is consistent when it comes to knocking out party bangers and that’s what counts. And they don’t come much more “banging” than Bonkers, which is the sound of a tense nervous headache set to music.

Watch: Holiday

10. Little Boots “Hands” (679 Recordings)

Stuck On Repeat was one of the most heart-stoppingly brilliant singles of last year, and what with the hype that ensued, it was an achievement in itself that Hands was as frequently amazing as it was. Remedy and Mathematics sounded confident and assured, but the best moment was the uncharacteristic piano ballad Hands which was tagged on to the end of an album as a hidden track. There was a moment during Little Boots’ recent over-14s show at The Academy in Dublin where Victoria Hesketh interrupted a new song to stop and ask the predominantly teenage crowd if they were familiar with a film called Twilight. The roar of approval which greeted her innocent (or mischievous?) inquiry was enormous. Little Boots + lots of 14 year olds buzzing on cola + Twilight = the zeitgeist-shagging pop moment of the year.

Watch: Earthquake